Never Know
by all hearts are dark and cold
Summary: Elena feels mixed up and doesn't know why or what she'll do. Spoiler Alert! Set after the second season premiere.


**A/N: This oneshot was is set after the season two premiere. It's all about Elena's mixed emotions directed toward Damon. I hope you enjoy.**

**Warning: This has many, any spoilers.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Diaries. If I did, Elena would have agreed with Damon that there is something going on between the both of them.**

…**...**

I can't sleep. Not with everything crashing down around me. Katherine's return, Caroline recovery, Damon almost killing Jeremy…

How could he do it? Even after all that we've been through. I really thought he was better than that, but I suppose I was wrong.

He's hurt—and he's been drinking. God knows what he's doing at this moment. He could be anywhere, doing what he usually does. I even told him earlier.

"_No, you don't admit that you get hurt. You get angry, cover it up, and then you do something stupid."_

And that's exactly what he did. He snapped Jeremy's neck, which was the stupid something. Now Damon flicked the humanity switch off. He's back to being a "self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities."

I have no idea what to do or what it is I'm feeling. I feel angry, frustrated, confused, and hurt. I'm also a bit relieved that Jeremy was wearing that ring. If he hadn't, he would either have turned into a vampire or really have been killed.

Why did Katherine do it? Why did she mess with both Salvatore brothers? They're not her toys. Especially Damon, who was looking for her for the past 145 years only to discover that she knew where he was and didn't care. I can't believe that bitch.

Was I the only one to talk to Damon tonight? Was Damon right? Did his ignoring her lure her out? If so, _what the hell happened?_

Most of me hates him. He literally became one of the most important people in my life, but now—Well now what? It's not like I can avoid him. He is Stefan's brother after all. And who knows what kind of game Katherine is playing. We all have to work together to stop her. Even if I hate him, I can't let him be manipulated by her like in 1864.

…However, Katherine is not the only one to blame. I'm at fault as well. I've been tagging Damon along. I let him believe that everything we've been going through DID mean something. Like during the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant, the time when Stefan was drinking human blood—and who can forget the time in Georgia? I practically saved his life.

"_I saved you life," I said facing him._

_Damon glances at me as he drives," I know."_

"_And don't you forget it."_

We've also had our bad times.

"_That girl's gonna thank me for what I did for her."_

"_Did you thank Katherine?"_

"_People die around you. How can it not matter? It matters and you know it!" Then I finally smack him._

"_But you," Damon know turned his attention to me," You had me fooled."_

I wish so much that we could go back and try things differently. If only Damon and I could patch things up just like the time Stefan and I lied to him about helping him with the tomb.

"_You and I…We have something."_

I wasn't lying. We DO have something, but I can't be Katherine. I can't be the one who tears the Salvatore brothers apart again. I refuse to play the same game she did.

I love Stefan. He's caring, loving, and can always be counted on. He's the one I'm supposed to be with so…why? Why can't I just forget about Damon? Why can't I bring myself to give up on him after all that he's done?

It's because I love him. There I admit it. I love Damon Salvatore. There's even a part of me deep down that believes that Damon saw the ring Jeremy was wearing. At least I hope he did. But I don't know if things between us will ever get better. I told him that I choose Stefan. I can't take it back.

At times I wonder how to get to Damon. How can I get him to open up once? Someone needs to choose him and NOT Stefan. I tried to as a friend, but that obviously didn't turn out well. Things will never be the same.

I hate a lot of things right now. I hate Katherine. I hate myself. I hate how I could never completely hate Damon. And I really hate how that conversation turned out.

I've imagined kissing Damon before but not like this. I never envisioned him mistaking me for Katherine or just forcing a kiss on me. Not in the way he did. He was hurt and he was drinking. I kept thinking of his words over and over.

"_I didn't compel you at Atlanta because we were having fun…I wanted it to be real."_

Well Damon, I wanted this moment to be real. The moment where nothing holds us back, such as Katherine or Stefan. The moment when being together will be just perfect instead of completely wrong.

But that wasn't the way these events turned out. We both ended up hurt and we may never be able to fix that. Damon, I bet that you would be gloating if you knew that you were right. I have been lying to you, Stefan, and myself. And in a few hours I will be with Stefan and you will have your humanity shut off. We'll most likely ignore what we're feeling and deal with the everyday drama.

The lying will continue…and you will never know how I truly feel.

…

**So how was it? Liked it/ hated it? Review. I'll accept bad or mean comments as long as they provide constructive criticism. This is my first TVD fanfiction and my first oneshot. So if what you have to say is bad, break it to me gently. But really, I hoped you liked it.**


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